Dealing with Grief

I recently lost a loved one, and had to deal with the associated grief, pains and questions. Even though I had just released my book “Praise Works!”, that first day was filled more with deep sadness and questions than praise. I have had to express my sympathy and condolences in the past to others, on the loss of their loved ones, but it’s an entirely different story when you’re the one getting the condolences. In all of these, I have come to better understand the pains of bereavement others go through. It is one thing to give your sympathy; it is another to have had similar experiences…then you understand what they are going through much better.

As we journey through life, we face different situations and different phases of life. That is life. It is however important to deal with each stage, each challenge, each phase of life (whether pleasant or otherwise) appropriately. The good news in no matter what we are faced with in life, as believers, we have a Father who will never leave nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). We have not been promised a life void of pains or challenges, but we have been promised that Christ has overcome, and we are more than conquerors… “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” –John 16:33; “Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.” –Romans 8:37.

Here are some of the things I am learning, or have applied in this experience. My prayer is that I am able to comfort those in any trouble with the comfort I have received from God. “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” -2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT)

God’s Word Comforts Us

As fresh as the pains still are, I have found comfort and consolation in so many ways, the major way being in the Word of God. One of the first things I did was meditate and pray scriptures on overcoming grief – thankfully I had a chapter on that in Scripture Works!, so naturally that was one of the first places I checked. Here are a few of the verses that helped:

• And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. -Revelation 21:4
• I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. -John 14:18
• And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever; -John 14:16
• My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. –Psalm 73:26 (NIV)

Sacrifice of Praise

I must admit the last thing I wanted to do was praise. I had too many questions and was still in shock at the news, even many days after; but I knew the power in praise, and understood the significance of giving my praise as a sacrifice. So amidst the tears, I made a decision to raise my hands and praise God nonetheless, for Who he is, and for his unfailing love, knowing that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” –Romans 8:28. Praising God right in this situation has helped me shift my focus from the pains and sadness to the goodness and faithfulness of God. Meditating, and focusing on God’s faithfulness brings me great comfort.

 Tears ok too

Tears can be therapeutic as they help you release the grief, sadness or pain you are feeling at the moment. I had several of those, and may still do. However, I also realize that I must not grief like those without the Holy Spirit. When the tears do come, I must learn to wipe them away and move on; not remaining in a state of sorrow or self pity, as that can be damaging too. What I am learning is to keep my gaze on Christ , “For the Lord GOD will help me; therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.” –Isaiah 50:7

Think on these things

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. -Philippians 4:8”

Focusing and dwelling on the right things helped me greatly during this time. Choosing to think more on the good life this loved one lived; and being thankful to God for that life is helping tremendously. Every situation may be different, but there will always be good times to remember. Purpose to think less of the pain or suffering your loved one experienced that may have led to the death; rather think more on the beautiful relationship you enjoyed with the loved one; on the times of good health, God’s provision, the love shared between you; the times you laughed and enjoyed each other’s company…Do this not to feel more sense of regret or sorrow; but with a thankful heart to God for the blessing of sharing those times together.

Accept support

Don’t shut yourself off from people during this time. Receiving encouraging messages and prayers have been very comforting at this time. It is a blessing to have people that care and support you around during this time. Be open to receive such support, and don’t pull yourself into the shell of grief and sorrow. When a hand of love is extended to you, accept it. It helps your heart heal sooner. Of course there are times you may need to be alone, that is perfectly okay; but don’t withdraw from those around you indefinitely.

These are just few of the things that have helped me, and I hope you find them helpful too, either for yourself or someone else that needs it.

Blessings,

Rali